Federation with invite-only signups and per-user bans instead of instance bans

Problem

Separating my original post as requested.

Proposal

Thoughts on federation have an option to keep the instance signup invite only. Personally I just want my instance to be small and for my friend group, not a public instance, but they still be able to join servers on other instances. Also don't do what other federated services are doing and ban other instances out right. Bans should be done on an individual user basis, blanket banning instances defeats the purpose of federation. At the very least have a system in place where a dialogue is open between hosts of the instances before blanket bans are implemented.

Notes

anchor to the original post